“I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me!”

“I am forever marked, ruined, unwanted, and useless!”

I have said and heard all of these… and I get it. Sometimes life feels like it is unlivable. Maybe you made a poor decision and feel hopeless, useless, or like a failure. Or maybe someone exacted something terrible on you and you feel cheapened and ruined. Maybe it is a mixture of both. Maybe you lost someone or something you love; and the loss makes you feel alone, exposed, or unwanted. Maybe you suffered a physical set back and it makes you feel like a spectacle. Maybe that setback caused you to be rejected. Because creation is fallen and suffers because of sin, the list of your possible sufferings is endless!

It often seems like when the pain hurts the most, our fellow human beings fail us. Because “that” happened in your life, you feel like all eyes are staring at you through the lens of a microscope. Judgments and unfair statements seem to flow at us from all directions. It is easier for people to point fingers rather than look at their own flaws. But truthfully, though people may cast their stones for a short time, they are too worried about themselves to spend too much effort on you. Let’s be honest; everyone has had an “ugly” season, even those who appear to have perfect lives. I love the third book of Ecclesiastes.  Have you read it?

There is a timeless phrase drawn from the truth of Ecclesiastes: “This too will pass.” I love this phrase because though ridiculously simple, it really is true! Time passes and what seems so magnanimous today, will seem so much less so down road. Thankfully, people do forget. Time has a way of making your story fit neatly into the puzzle pieces around it. I am not implying that you don’t need to seek proper counseling and encouragement to get through the pain and trauma. What I am saying is that although this trauma changed your life forever, it wouldn’t forever make you feel like a spectacle for all to gawk at.

You may not have noticed, but this is the way that it has happened to you your whole life. Think back through the years, especially your childhood.  Here is an example. When my daughter was in grade school, she was tripped by a pothole while playing recklessly at recess. She cut her leg very badly. She reacted the way any young girl would; she screamed. Everyone rushed to her. Some helped her. Others came just to gawk and mock her for falling into the pothole they all knew was there.

For weeks, eyes turned to watch her when she limped painfully by. It impaired her way of living: the pain was constant, and the injury seemed to affect everything. She drew attention everywhere she went, and she was embarrassed. There were certain peers that were especially unkind despite her pain. But as time crept by, the wound was forgotten by all.

Even now, if she wears shorts or a skirt you can still see the scar. It will always be visible. But the scar has now grafted itself into becoming a part of who she is. People don’t think of her scar when they see her now. She doesn’t think of it often either. But when she does, there is always a level of sadness in the memory. The truth is that though it hurt her so badly, there is something good to be said about that scar.

What good came about from that traumatic event? Well, a few things. It made her more aware of potholes, and she is careful not to make the same mistake again. She has even warned friends to be careful of that same pothole. It has taught her something more than my telling her from a distance, “Be careful out there!” That pothole helped make her who she is. Did she need help when it happened? Yes. Professional attention? Yes! But the trauma could still be used for good. If nothing else, but to understand the pain of the next girl who was tripped by the same pothole. Additionally, falling into a pothole will help her figure out how not to fall into something worse, like a pit!

So, friend, give it some time. Here is truth: you are not ruined, unusable, unwanted, or useless. You are precious!  Seek help to get through this difficult season and remember that your trauma won’t always feel so raw and exposed. Speak this truth to yourself: “To everything there is a season.” This is your season to cry, but there will soon be a season to laugh again! Don’t give in to the feelings of “now.” Look for the good that can come from even the nastiest of potholes. Now, breathe and just take the next right step.

Ecclesiastes 3:1a “To every thing there is a season…” KJV